You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
