He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
