There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
