I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
