Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
