My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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