Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
