Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
