I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
