We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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