It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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