and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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