she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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