my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
