Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
