ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
