I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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