so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
