well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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