Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
