Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
ok first of all what the fuck
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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