Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
