Can i not drive my cunt home
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
