How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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