Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
