I cockslap morals
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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