I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
