3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
