Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
