you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
