i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
