Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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