He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
