I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
one might say we're banned from that church
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
