is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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