dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
