you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
