a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
