I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
