Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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