The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Please don't give away my fajitas
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
