Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
