just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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