I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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