She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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