Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
