Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
