her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
