You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
