he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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