Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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